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Last year was an extremely difficult year. In many ways, I am still processing what happened and I am still discovering the effects it had over me. I’ve changed, but not completely. I’m trying to take what happened and put it in brackets, as if I fell off a horse and I’m getting back on the horse to keep going, but it feels as if it’s not the same horse. Or I’m not the same rider… I don’t know. I have many questions, I found some answers, I’m still looking for other answers. I have adjusted to the new reality, I’ve accepted it, but I’m still struggling to find balance in my daily routine. Today I’m much closer to that balance than I was a few months ago, but I’m still not where I need to be.
The constantly-changing daily schedule is not helping much either. There are so many things to do, it is so difficult to depend on other people’s schedule up to the point where your own schedule becomes almost uncontrollable and it is extremely tiring to always have the feeling that there isn’t enough time to do everything that needs to be done. I feel like I’m running, but it is a wasted effort because I keep falling behind. I try to organise myself better, but I keep getting to the point where I have to choose to do what cannot be postponed. This way, I get some things done in due time, while others fail to make it to the main list of tasks and they end up being like luggage I keep carrying with me every day.
Looking back on 2023, I was surprised to find that my memory is not as good as it usually is. Actually, it’s not my memory, but the way my mind tried to process what happened. I’m sure that grief played a very important role in this. I found that the months from that period of time are blurred, my memories are unclear. I remember bits and pieces, but largely February is barely a memory and after the funeral, everything sort of fades out. March is almost a void in my memory, April is only partially there, May and June are completely blurred, July is the first month I start to remember things from. Starting from August-September I’m alright, although even then I can’t remember many details. I know some things I did and places I’ve been in, I remember some moments, but I cannot say I remember a lot. It was very strange for me to go through this because my memory has always been really good and generally, I remember lots of things in details. I know it is not a health problem, I’m sure it is only the way my mind tried to move on from that painful moment.
Another way I tried to move on from the loss of my mother was to return to music. It was very hard for me to find that after the funeral I was unable to listen to music. I couldn’t feel music. The radio was nothing more than a background noise. It was a bit of a shock for me to experience that because music has always been extremely important to me, it was my trusted friend through every kind of mood I was in. To reach the point where I wouldn’t listen to music made me feel as if I was ill. Once I was aware of this, I made a conscious effort to bring myself back to music. It wasn’t easy, but one day, I was in my living room with the radio turned on just like any other day and suddenly, I started to dance. That was the first moment when I felt I was slowly returning to the way I was supposed to be. Step by step, I got back to normal, to how much music I listened before and YouTube gave me some stats on what I listened to more often last year.
When it comes to preferred artists I listened to last year, it seems that Keane were an absolute favourite, but Imagine Dragons, Jack Savoretti, Mumford & Sons and Sia were also in the top, as usual. Imagine Dragons are my all-time favourite band and their music simply shows up my way whenever I need it, whether it’s a song on the radio when I’m having a rough day, a suggestion or notification from YouTube when I am about to have a more challenging day or I simply start humming one of their songs when I need to unwind and take a break from I’m doing. Their music always heals me, it always makes me feel better. Jack Savoretti is a more recent discovery, one that has quickly reached the top of my favourite artists and whose music has the same effect over me as Imagine Dragons’ music. I love the way Savoretti combines pop music with some elements of classical music and I can hear the powerful influence of Italian music in his songs. Mumford & Sons reached my top artists category as a natural evolution from Imagine Dragons and I was very much surprised by the way they integrate folk influences in rock music. A while back, I wrote an article about one of their songs which perfectly ilustrates this cross between folk music and rock music, “Broken Crown“. Today, their music is different, but I like the way it has evolved and I continue to listen to their newer songs. Sia has been among my favourite artists for years. I remember riding the bus to high school while I was listening to the songs from the “Everyday is Christmas” album over headphones. My mother loved “Snowman” very much and “Sing for my life” will always have a special place in my heart as it reminds me of my birthday in 2020 when I got home from a long day at work and mum welcomed me with this song playing. Yes, it is a Christmas track and my birthday is right in the middle of summer, but it was the perfect choice and it became such a powerful memory that whenever I listen to this song, I feel as if it’s my birthday.
Aside from favourite artists, there have been some songs I listened to more often than others. In general, I tend to listen to the same songs for a period of time, then I listen to other songs for another period of time. When I work, I put my headphones on and I listen to all the songs I ever liked because I have them on a constantly growing playlist of around 1,600 tracks. This method helps me focus on what I am doing. Even now, as I write this article, I’m wearing headphones and I’m listening to music. To be more precise, I’m currently listening “Broken Crown” for the first time in a while and when the instrumental before the last chorus comes on, I take a break and turn up the volume. The way various musical instruments intertwine is wonderful.
ALIKA – Bridges
The first time I listened to this song was during the 2023 Eurovision Song Contest, where Alika represented her country, Estonia. I loved this song from the first few musical notes. The delicate piano, quickly followed by a voice which is equally delicate, only to become very strong later on, set the stage for a song that won me over. The subtle addition of a cello that joins in like a perfume coming from nowhere introduces a whole new dimension to this track. The lyrics are also very beautiful and they tell a story close to the soul of any person who has been through something difficult, but they do that as a dialogue with the inner self. It’s as if a part of her says it’s time to go back to who she used to be, while another part of her is showing her the inner strength and courage she has to go on, building bridges between who she has been lately and the person she has always been, all with the purpose of moving on, building a brighter future where she is stronger. It is a song perfect for someone in need of hope and self-trust to go forward.
You can read the lyrics here: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/alika/bridges.html
Keane – Perfect Symmetry
This is an equally interesting song, also carrying a powerful message because its lyrics are like a pause to reflect over the symmetry of life, how we receive what we offer the world. I cannot remember when and how I found this song, but I remember that it stayed with me due to the meaningful chorus and the bit where a few masculine voices sing in the background like a choir. I found it to be an exceptional bit of music, delicate, but powerful at the same time. The underlying message of this song is the same as the one in “Bridges”, but here, it is accompanied by a more complex orchestration, with more energy. It is very interesting how the lyrics start off as an inner thought over life in general, which quickly turns from being a lonesome thought to being a thought coming over in the context of a busy city, where life quickly passes by us, a city where no one has time to stop for a moment and think about what really matters. Everything supports this metaphor, the lyrics, the way they are sung, even the instrumental music which stops and starts again at the right moments during the track. If I close my eyes and listen to “Perfect symmetry”, I find myself on the empty streets of a large city, right before sunrise, when you can still capture the silence that set over night, a silence that slowly disappears as the city wakes up and starts a new day with all of its characterising sounds.
You can read the lyrics here: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/keane/perfectsymmetry.html
Keane – Can’t stop now
This song is also about encouragement as its lyrics talk about a conscious and determined decision to move on despite the pain that comes from choosing a different path. Reading once again the lyrics in preparation for this article, I understand why I listened to this track so often. It captures the emotional stages I went through and the way I tried to convince myself to go on despite an odd desire to keep everything as it was when my mother passed away. I went from the desire to not change anything because my mother wouldn’t know about it to the need to switch things up around the house in order to show myself that I am moving forward, that it’s time to go and I must to go on. I like the sound of the drums that seem to be like those pats on the shoulder we get from those close to us when they try to encourage us. I also like the fact that the lyrics tell us to move on even while we are still facing the pain in our hearts, those “troubles” as they are in called in the chorus.
There is no official music video for this song, so I chose the audio version instead.
You can read the lyrics here: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/keane/cantstopnow.html
Jack Savoretti – Whiskey Tango
This was one of the first Jack Savoretti songs that I listened to and it stayed in the back of my mind for a long time due to its energetic and unusual beat. I don’t often use this word like this, but the beginning of this song actually sounds fresh to me, like the beginning of a summer party. But this is just the beginning. What follows is a song full of energy, a rhythm that makes you move and an exceptional voice that manages to combine a few musical genres. I love this song so much that each time I listen to it I play it a few times and it stays in my mind for several hours more, like a slow-release medicine.
There is no official music video for this song, so I chose the audio version instead.
You can read the lyrics here: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jacksavoretti/whiskeytango.html
Jack Savoretti – Love is on the line.
Another song that stays in my mind for hours, a melody with a musicality that is so… fluid. I cannot find a different way to describe it, it makes me think of the sensation people feel when dancing the waltz. “Love is on the line” gives me a feeling of gliding on air, it is an entire story floating on violin notes combined with the guitars and drums that create and maintain the rhythm. The harsh voice, a reminder of Adriano Celentano’s voice, and the powerfully Italian music style that packs in strong classical music influences, the few delicately feminine voices in the background, the lyrics that talk about a love story that is dying out… Everything is magnificent, totally worth it to listen and experience with our souls.
You can read the lyrics here: https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/jacksavoretti/loveisontheline.html
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